Thomas Knows All
by you-rock-my-world
Summary: Thomas knows all! Yes, that Thomas. The cast of Pocahontas ends up working a fortunetelling show, and recieve some strange calls... Be prepared for the characters you know and love acting extremely odd...


**Thomas Knows All**

**Television:** Call 1- 800- GET- YOUR- FUTURE- TOLD- BY- THOMAS- EVEN- THOUGH- HE- HAS- NO- CLUE- WHAT- HE'S- DOING today!

**Thomas: **Hello everyone! Welcome to my fortune telling extravaganza! Do we have any calls?

_Hours pass…_

**John Smith: **_(Operating telephone)_ I got one!

**Thomas: **Hello? Who's calling?

**Caller: **Hi, Thomas. This is Aladdin. I just wanted to thank you in advance for your show and what it does for people like me bec—

**Thomas: **Ok! So Aladdin, what's your issue?

**Aladdin: **Well I like this girl and she's so amazingly incredibly insanely wonderfully immensely beautiful and I just feel so…dejected and depressed and sad and blue and down and unhappy because you see I just feel like she's too good for me because she's smart and funny and pretty and intelligent and humorous and beautiful and I'm just so unattractive and unintelligent and poor and—

**Thomas: **Well, let's see what's in the cards! Pocahontas, reveal the cards, please! _(Snaps fingers)_

**Pocahontas: **(_Appears in flashy outfit_) I'm feeling the luck today!

**Thomas: **We'll see after this break!

**Television: **Visit Mount Olympus today! This beautiful mountain offers fun for the whole family, including swimming in the Pool of Death, touring the Underworld, and chariot rides! Waste all of your strength climbing up the immense mountain, but, when you get there, there's a great view! A trip to Mount Olympus is sure to please everyone! (said exceedingly fast) Mount Olympus is not responsible for any losses, stolen or drugged children, deaths resulted from falling into the Pool of Death, or injuries (may be fatal) while at Mount Olympus or in the Underworld. Side effects of visiting Mount Olympus may include: lightheadedness, suffocation due to lack of oxygen, explosive diarrhea, intestinal bleeding, suicidal actions, or evil thoughts. Go to our website to find out how you can waste a crapload of cash on the worst (guaranteed) trip of your life! This commercial deemed reliable but not totally truthful by Olympus Tours Inc.

**Thomas:** We're back! Now, to finally reveal Aladdin's fortune!

**Aladdin:** I hope it's good because you know I just really like this girl and I hope she likes me too because she's so smart and intelligent and always did well in school and she's beautiful too and and and—

**Thomas: **Hmmm…Yes, I see a girl…I see her…She's talking…the cards say she's saying…oh, but it's very vague…she's using words like "stalker," "obsessive," "freak," "insane," "ill," and "disappear." Does this mean anything to you, Aladdin?

_The line goes dead…_

**Thomas:** I'd say we gave Aladdin a clear image of his future today…Thank you, cards! Do we have another caller?

_Crickets chirp_

_Awhile later_

**Nakoma:**_(Also operating telephone)_I've got a caller! Says the name is… Pinocchio?

**Thomas: **Put him on! Hello? This is Thomas' Fortune-telling Extravaganza! What's your issue?

**Pinocchio: **OOOO sapessi!

**Thomas: **We're in America. Do you have a green card?

**Pinocchio: **Papa! Papaaaa!

**Thomas: **This is your issue?

**Pinocchio: **Voglio essere un vero bimbo! Voglio essere un vero bimbo!

**Thomas: **Well, we'll just have to ask our translator about this. Pocahontas?

**Pocahontas: **Yes…I'll just need a minute to listen with my heart, and then I'll understand.

**Pinocchio: **Allora! Ma questo ci mette un pό eh!

**Pocahontas: **He says you're slow…He's been saying…"Daddy! Daaaddy! I wanna be a real boy! I wanna be a real boy!"

**Thomas: **Well, we'll just have to ask the cards about this.

**Pocahontas: **_(Lays down cards)_

**Thomas: **I see…I see…fire…burning wood…a funeral…a crying old man…

_The line goes dead…_

**Thomas: **Well, the line's been disconnected…damn Verizon…Well, it appears we've used up our 30 minutes of late-night TV, anyway. We'll see you next time on:

**Television: **Thomas knows all! Call 1- 800- GET- YOUR- FUTURE- TOLD- BY- THOMAS- EVEN- THOUGH- HE- HAS- NO- CLUE- WHAT- HE'S- DOING today! You just might find the answers you've been seeking!

**A/N: **Larien Calaelen and I were just watching Pocahontas. At the end of the movie, Thomas is asked "Is he gonna be alright, Thomas?" or something like that, referring to John Smith. Noticing how Thomas can be insanely stupid and didn't really have a clue what he was doing for the rest of the movie, I said, "How would he know? What is this, 'Thomas Knows All,' or something?" Then somehow this weird story surfaced. Tada!


End file.
